Struggling to understand a recent breakup
2024.11.27 19:30 AntiAntiRotationPins Struggling to understand a recent breakup
Hey everyone, I’m trying to make sense of my last relationship and could really use some outside perspectives. My ex (F27) and I (M31) were together for 1.5 years, and we broke up about 5 months ago. The breakup left me feeling confused and hurt, and I’ve been going over everything in my head trying to figure out what happened.
Here’s the short version of the story:
We generally had a good relationship, and I loved her a lot. But there were some underlying issues that seemed to pop up more and more over time. She seemed to struggle with some insecurities, and they would sometimes cause her to bring up vague concerns about the relationship, often over things I couldn’t really articulate or fix. For example:
• She held onto small grievances for months, like me not being immediately excited about spending New Year’s with her family in another state (I had been planning to spend it with mine as they throw a large party every year, and I am extremely close with my family). I did end up spending it with her family and we all had a great time together, and felt I explained my initial apprehension and that we had moved on, but she brought this up again months later when ending the relationship. • She accused me of cheating a few weeks before our breakup, completely out of the blue. I’ve never cheated in my life, and I still don’t know where that came from. She also knows I had been cheated on in a past relationship and would never do that to somebody. • She seemed to harbor resentment about my ex from a long-term relationship before her, as if she was disappointed in the idea of me having a past before her. For clarity this relationship lasted 5 years and ended when I was cheated on. It was an extremely difficult but formative time for me that I am proud of bouncing back from, and would sometimes talk about to provide context on certain aspects of my life. Looking back, I feel like I tried really hard to handle things well. I stayed calm during these conflicts, communicated my feelings without blaming her, and encouraged her to do the same. But it always felt like I couldn’t fully ease her insecurities or meet whatever expectations she had. After trying for days to find a way to see each other for our anniversary and being met with rudeness and stonewalling I thought the ball would be in her court to reach out when she was more comfortable to have a conversation, and feel it was a bit unfair to expect me to endure days of verbal abuse and then blame me for giving the space that she seemed to need.
I miss her a lot—despite how this may sound she had so many beautiful qualities, being one of the most wholesome, caring, and down-to-earth girls I’ve ever met. We had so much in common and so many things we loved to do together. But I can’t help feeling like her insecurities, her tendency to hold grudges, and her unwillingness to work on issues or communicate made things harder than they needed to be.
So, I’m wondering: Could I have done more to make her feel secure, or was this just one of those situations where incompatibility made things unsustainable? I’d love to hear if anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to think about this as it has obviously been a huge struggle for me, especially as I can’t quite reconcile the way she treated me towards the end with my impression of her throughout our time together.
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2024.11.27 19:30 SnowFox33 How to fix...stuck in log in screen?
 | Just got the game through Epic and installed and it's perpetually stuck in the log in screen it seems. Tried verifying the files and it did not work. https://preview.redd.it/9kgbhbt3xh3e1.png?width=2119&format=png&auto=webp&s=87594a2fbcb8feac2d6be5e9bf91fe206d5c6f04 submitted by SnowFox33 to EliteDangerous [link] [comments] |
2024.11.27 19:30 Personal-Put262 Buna çok güldüm
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2024.11.27 19:30 Cold_Butterscotch663 Presley 💖
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2024.11.27 19:30 Mariasoonyaa Adventures in Roleplay
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2024.11.27 19:30 TheReddister [24M4F] US/Online/Anywhere I’d Love a Chat, because I’m a little Lonely and very Horny
Hello to the lovely Redditors out there
To start here is my ASL: 24/M/Midwest US
Before I get into it: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE 21+ AND PREFERABLY SINGLE
Now for the fun part
I’m bisexual and just like many of you I’ve been a bit lonely but on the other hand I’m super horny and craving sex. But even though I’m horny I’d like to have a conversation too soooo here are some non sexual things about me:
— I’m into working out, I’ve lost ~20 lbs since January and I hope to lose another 30!
— Speaking of exercise, I love the outdoors and I love to hike, my favorite season is probably Winter :)
— Heading back inside: I absolutely love video games, particularly I love PC gaming. Ask me what I’m playing!
— I’m writing a horror novel, I’d love to tell you about it!
— I love to read, I’m currently reading Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
— Speaking of movies, I absolutely love tv shows and movies. My favorites change all the time so just ask and I’ll talk for embarrassingly long
— I also love music, I play the saxophone but I also love istening to it. I listen to almost every genre so don’t be scared I won’t like what you got!
— Lastly, I love tabletop games especially dnd. I’m currently making a dnd campaign and I’d love to tell you about it.
Im down to send pics of myself but only from the neck down — we are strangers after all.
If you’re interested send me your ASL and so I know you read this: ask me a question about one of my hobbies that I listed!
I hope my chats are filled with wonderful people — look forward to talking! ;)
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2024.11.27 19:30 ILovePublicLibraries What stores are open on Thanksgiving?
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2024.11.27 19:30 HolmesSquared Got bit in the face by a dog, suspended for 90 days because of it.
submitted by HolmesSquared to WorkersComp [link] [comments]
2024.11.27 19:30 SpadessVR Spare code for 10% OFF gift from the Bethesda International Gear team?
Hello fellow Dwellers, would anyone spare their code if not planning to use it? Would be extremely grateful!
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2024.11.27 19:30 JorvorskieLane12 Worcester MA!
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2024.11.27 19:30 daily_bargains Black Friday Adventure Awaits with Escape Camper Vans!
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submitted by daily_bargains to dailybargains [link] [comments]
2024.11.27 19:30 Lukas-Reggi Who's the strongest character Laplace can beat?
 | I'm an anime only but I got to read the manga now and I finally meet manga Laplace. From the anime I remember him taking our Valentine without much effort. Valentine despite not being a demon lord was stated by Hinata to still have the power to concider himself one. Laplace underestimates his strengh a lot like against driada where he thought he wouldn't beat her, same with Valentine where he was also suprised by his strengh. submitted by Lukas-Reggi to TenseiSlime [link] [comments] |
2024.11.27 19:30 Nikohub is that legal?
 | why? submitted by Nikohub to DoorDashDrivers [link] [comments] |
2024.11.27 19:30 JDChubby I have 2 boosts left to send
It will not let me accept any even though i get direct deposits. If anyone can spot me $50 it would be much appreciated. I can send two more boosts out!
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2024.11.27 19:30 Dogketo Zamazenta raid on me 488193108192
488193108192
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2024.11.27 19:30 VasectoMyspace [TBT] Ben Hunt scores in Golden Point against the Roosters (2015)
![[TBT] Ben Hunt scores in Golden Point against the Roosters (2015)](https://external-preview.redd.it/oP605JLqwSlHNyNSUzANj9nwz4jlRmCW5MCDvJ5N9fM.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=b4a30dc39ca92829f83226bcc0646fdad546520d "[TBT] Ben Hunt scores in Golden Point against the Roosters (2015)") | submitted by VasectoMyspace to nrl [link] [comments] |
2024.11.27 19:30 marcospartout Grumpy x sunshine trope?
I'm looking for a dorama with a grumpy male x sunshine female, preferably being adults but shows with a high school setting would be appreciated too!
submitted by marcospartout to JDorama [link] [comments]
2024.11.27 19:30 BowlingForAmmo This right here is the problem with Democrats. You don't get to apply rules to how and when I disagree. So take your condescending narcissistic rules and stuff them up your ass.
 | submitted by BowlingForAmmo to walkaway [link] [comments] |
2024.11.27 19:30 Realistic-Eggplant24 ISO this beauty.
 | submitted by Realistic-Eggplant24 to DHgate [link] [comments] |
2024.11.27 19:30 IIIIIIIIIlIIIIII Pc não liga com 2 placa mãe
Pessoal, comprei 2 pentes de memoria de 16 para substituir o antigo pente de 16 da minha amiga e fazer um upgrade no pc dela.
Porém ao ligar não deu video, ao que ela me falou, so da video se coloca apenas uma memória em um slot especifico.
Caso eu coloque 2 ele não da video
Eu verifiquei a bios e a hora e data esta correta, quando eu setei a frequencia para 3600 ele ficou me jogando pra tela da bios ao ligar
Porem preciso saber o que eu posso fazer apenas para eu conseguir usar as 2 memoria e ativar o dual chanel
submitted by IIIIIIIIIlIIIIII to computadores [link] [comments]
2024.11.27 19:30 ldmarchesi Assassin's creed is just a stellaris mission
I am playing AC Odissey and now that there is all this ISU interfering with humans I cannot unsee them as trying to high humanity to FTL, just meedeling in society and make us great in space.
Now let's hope in some future game won't be an interstellar war to play...
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2024.11.27 19:30 Extension-Capital-65 Larian CEO towards BioWare be like:
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2024.11.27 19:30 TaxAvoider13 Regieleki - 2 local - add 370359850755
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2024.11.27 19:30 blissfullyblazed I haven’t seen his family in 6 months
Apologies for the long post and jumbled thoughts. I feel like I’ve been in a hazy shell
Since discovering tons of Tik tok porn end of April this year after months of nagging feelings and dreams he was cheating on me and all the backlash that happened afterward right after starting a new physically and mentally draining warehouse job, I haven’t visited his family.
I feel so stupid because 5 years ago I originally discovered he was watching porn accidentally and have a conversation with him initially about it. He told then he didn’t agree with it morally, didn’t like how it made him feel, and told me he “didn’t need to watch it anymore since we were together” after I told him I was uncomfortable with it and he agreed to the boundary I communicated. He’d told me that before he met me he watched it for 3 years every day for stress.
I wasn’t so nice the second time shortly after the nagging feeling came on again and I intentionally went looking again. Screenshots, dates in his face and he looked straight into my eyes and said he didn’t know how that got there or something similar.
Noticing the white lies early on thinking I was just getting it wrong. Ffs he told me initially that lies of omission didn’t count, that he might tell me “little lies, but he’s never tell me big lies”. He got to decide.
I feel the need to say I’ve not been a good partner either, even before rediscovering the porn. Attachment issues as well as other things.
I will say I also had a lot of other things going on too like losing my hair and learning I probably have ADHD/CPTSD and other mental health issues, so part of my unhealthy coping mechanism is to isolate. With the stress of work and social interaction and the hair loss then heaping on the betrayal.
He went to see them not long after rediscovery in May after I started my job. I tried to keep it together, focus on working and saving up money to move out. I was planning on moving out while staying together before I discovered what happened. Which feels like a slap to the face considering he would’ve kept this to himself and how long would it have been for me to remember what happened or discover he never really quit.
Even after I gave him an ultimatum after discovering he didn’t quit in the beginning for couples therapy or breakup. We went and looking back didn’t go much into the porn. Lots of good stuff about Gottman principles but I didn’t know ish then. It’s like I struck it from my mind. Like I didn’t want to believe it or something. Lying to myself almost
Back to the present, I wasn’t going make the trial period in early August and had quit too basically.
Every time he went to his family, I didn’t want to go. It’s my fault, I felt frozen. Was never good at hiding the pain on my face. I look different now, older, stressed. Scared for them to see it on my face. My hair loss. My eyes feel empty. Feeling so ugly and isolated. I haven’t been working since August and am numb and just now getting a job.
His family is very achievement oriented and there’s nothing wrong with that but I don’t know how to answer even the polite questions about work, what I’ve been up to. The truth is I’ve been rotting and am just now getting back up.
He told them I was sick every time they’d ask where I was, his niece asking where am I. He could only say that so much before it gets old. We argued. He says he eventually told them he “messed up”and that’s why. I have no idea if that’s true or what he really said. I didn’t and don’t want to tell them the full extent. It’s not my place.Don’t know if it’s even appropriate. His sister offered him to counsel us as a therapist, but I declined.
His Dad told him to tell me they love me. I love them too. They’ve been a part of my life for 5 years and are good people. Not very emotional really but good people. Part of it is trying to protect myself almost to make the pain less if we break up. Because I lose them too.
We tried to have a conversation and he said that I don’t value family because I haven’t been to see them in six months and do I really want to drive a wedge even more between us. That they might think I don’t like them. I told him I didn’t have a problem before this. I’m afraid of this but it feels painful to put on the mask and the intense anxiety of being around his family. A fake happiness.
I did text his Mom for her birthday and acknowledged that I hadn’t seen her in a while. She said they missed me and I felt such shame.
He says sometimes he thinks I’m doing this to punish him. I tell him I’m doing it out of protection and self preservation. Part of me wonders if he wants me to go to keep up appearance and not have to deal with the questions. I feel guilty because of my avoidance and know I’m being a coward. Maybe I am feeling very emotional to where it influences my perception so there’s that.
Now Thanksgiving is coming up. I don’t know what to do. I thought about texting his Mom and being vague but letting her know I may not be there, but that it wasn’t about them but my mental health and that I hope it doesn’t come between us and I need time to recover. I don’t know how to deal with the looks or slight questions. I know this is maybe my perception but as time went on with me being MIA, it’s way more noticed now so I’ve screwed my self. I’m not close with my own family and my friends have moved out of state.
Have any of y’all gone through this? What would y’all do? It’s dark right now and any words of insight would be a light of hope and wisdom right now.
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2024.11.27 19:30 Donnie-97 Logo oficial de A Própria Carne
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