AMTA for making my grandma be angry at my mom?
2025.01.20 05:36 Vegetable-Weakness55 AMTA for making my grandma be angry at my mom?
I will try to explain this the best I can. I apologize in advance for the grammar. English is not my first language, my hands are a little shaky, and I have never really been good at explaining things. I will discuss my mental health issues, but I'm not looking for pity, and I'm not trying to excuse my actions because of them.
For context, I guess: I'm 22 (F), I'm anxious and have depression, (which obviously doesn't excuse anything I do wrong) probably since i was 12. I'm a crybaby and sometimes I get irritable and angry over different things, mostly when people pressure me on trying to explain how I'm feeling or why I do the things I do.
Today, I went to a salon to get my hair done, because tomorrow I'm starting college again. I went with my mommy with my grandma (my mom's mom). While one of the ladies was getting my hair done, she was trying to make conversation with me. I have social anxiety and I'm an introvert, but i have improved a lot, and I'm actually able to hold a conversation with others. I have been on this salon a lot of times, the lady there already knows us, and she knows that I'm studying psychology, so she was telling me about different places were i could work in, with a really good pay, (I live in El Salvador, and the minimum wage here is $365, if I remember correctly) and it was a job involving helping children with emotions, doing tests (probably on IQ and emotional intelligence) and such, which Iwould love to do. And while I was kind off paying attention to what the lady was saying, I simply replied with a 'Hmm', and the conversation just kept going.
After the salon, we went to a little restaurant nearby, and while we were eating, my mommy asked me about the job opportunities the lady was telling me about, because my mommy could obviously hear the conversation. I have a really bad memory unfortunately, so I told my mom that all I remembered was the payment and what the job was about, but I didn't remember the name of the companies/schools. So she told me that I should pay more attention and should be more grateful for the opportunities given to me and such (Of course she was mad. Someone was telling me about an important job were i could learn and earn a lot, and I never seem to pay attention to important things. But she wasn't scolding me)
So, why didn't I pay attention? Like i said, tomorrow is my first day of college. The thing is that I have some classmates that are kinda mean. Or maybe that's not the correct word, sorry. But let's call them The Group. So, The Group always looks really pissed about working with me and my others friends, they sound sarcastic most of the time and are kinda passive agressive. At first I thought it was just me. I got bullied in school, and so I thought I was just taking it personal, but my friends noticed it too. Last year, a teacher got close to The Group, and even the teacher was kinda mean to us, and she obviously had a preference for The Group. She even talked shit about me and my friends with The Group. (Anyone would think that, since we're all adults, and we're studying psychology, that they would know the effects of being mean to each other in the classroom, because you don't know everyone's upbringing and past. But they are just so inmature sometimes.) So this past week, all I have been thinking about is that I will have all my classes with The Group (and with my friends, of course) and that probably things will be bad, like last year. So I've been stressing out over something that hasn't happened yet and I can't be 100% sure will happen.
That's why I didn't pay that much attention to what the lady at the salon was telling me. I haven't told that to my mommy, because she would think that 'I'm just imagining this because of my anxiety, but they are probably good people'. And like, I'm 22, how can an adult be sad and stressed that her classmates are being mean?
The thing is that my mom kept pressuring me to try to remember, and I got frustrated, because I hate that I can literally almost never remember important things, so I sighed and looked at the ground and said "I don't know. I don't remember"' probably in a pathetic whiny tone, or in a really irritated tone, I'm not really sure. I must have looked angry, because then my grandma elbowed my mom and told her to stop.
More context: My grandma lives with us, and for some reason, she has been really mean to my mommy, screaming at her and such. My mommy has vented with me and my brother, and I feel really bad that my grandma is treating her like that, after what my mommy does for every single one of us.
So of course my mommy looked at my grandma and was like 'What? I'm just telling her to pay more attention' and they had a little exchange, then silence. I could see from the corner of my eye that my mom's eyes were glassy, and she teared up a little. So I felt like shit, and I also teared up a little, but no one said anything.
We came home and my mommy and grandma speak just the usual, but my mom doesn't speak to me. I know she's angry at me and I feel like shit, but it's not like I can control what my grandma does, and it's not the first time my mom gets angry at me and just ignores me, and it really hurts.
I'm going to tell her tomorrow that I'm sorry, or maybe not, because I'm a little coward and dumb, but I don't know what else to do. She's asleep right now, or probably on her phone. I feel really bad, I don't think i will get a lot of sleep for tomorrow. I don't want this to continue happening, but I don't know if I should talk to my grandma to make her stop being that way with my mommy, or even what to say to my mom to let her know that I'm sorry. I have apologized before to my mom for other things, but she just tells me to stop and change the way I act, so I don't know how to get her to actually listen and accept my apologies.
I'm sorry if this is too long. I do feel like an asshole, and it's okay if everyone says I am the asshole. The title might be misleading. I guess I just need advice on what to do in this situation and how to improve. Thanks.
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