I find my therapist's constant curiosity and questions annoying
2025.01.23 01:30 Mountain_Future5806 I find my therapist's constant curiosity and questions annoying
tl;dr My therapist asks endless questions; I find his curiosity threatening and annoying. But I guess other patients would find it comforting and validating.
My therapist asks lots of questions, naturally.
The thing is, I don't like therapy, and I don't like talking about myself. So I'll talk about my anxiety and describe it, and he'll ask me how it feels, and he'll ask me when I most feel anxious So, I'll describe how making connections with other people makes me feel anxious, and working on stuff I enjoy makes me feel anxious (that's a big problem), and my anxiety feels like it starts in my chest and rises up to my head.
So he'll keep asking questions about that, other times I've felt that way, when the feeling was stronger or weaker, if anything helps.
He offers very little insight in return, maybe a few observations, but mostly just more questions.
To me, his curiosity feels intrusive and, actually, kind of threatening, even though it's not meant that way. I think he has nothing but good intentions. With other therapists I've had, it also feels like a threat, so it's not him.
Also, it's a lot of effort for me to describe what I'm feeling, because sometimes I don't really know how I'm feeling. So I'm doing all the work, and he's not even helping me describe how I'm feeling. There's no, "well, maybe you felt this way? Here's how you might feel, and this might be why. Does that make sense or not? How do you feel about that?" There's none of that.
I've always wondered why I seem to get less out of therapy, and have a tougher time with the nuts and bolts of it, than other patients. Maybe this is part of the problem?
I guess to most/all the other patients out there, a therapist's curiosity makes them feel cared for, that someone is curious and interested and seems to have no other motive than getting to know them and trying to help them.
But for me, it's irritating and annoying. I don't like talking about myself anyway, or being vulnerable. Plus, it's a big effort to describe my feelings and figure out what's behind it.
So I do all this work, and I push through the discomfort, and all I get in return is more questions. No insight, no solutions, no analysis. If there is any of that offered, it's usually pretty weak and bland.
When I told my therapist all this, he was really surprised. I asked if he could empathize with finding curiosity threatening, and he said it was very difficult for him to understand it, and even harder for him to empathize with it.
I realized also that being curious is most therapists' "love language." It's the way they convey their interest and affection and intention.
But when I go to all that work and discomfort talking about myself, and I don't get "anything" in return, I feel like I'm being ripped off. I feel like, "I'm not just here to answer your questions."
I want insight, I want new ways to look at my issues, I want deep explanations for why I have the anxieties I do and what to do about it. At least, I want a way forward in therapy: how long is this going to take, is it going to help, is there a rough path this treatment will follow, how will I know it's working.
Those are all questions that the therapists I've had can't really answer.
I feel like, if you want me to accept your compassion, you're going to have to earn it.
I guess it's not that I just find being vulnerable threatening. It's that i find being vulnerable - without insight and competent insight - threatening. I want a therapist to show competence and specific knowledge for my struggles, not just unending curiosity and compassion. But, I guess for a lot of therapists and patients, that curiosity and compassion, and the bond that comes over time from all that endless curiosity and compassion, is most of what it's about. I guess.
I guess most patients initially feel nervous about therapy but gradually become more comfortable with the therapist's attention and curiosity. My reaction is different - I find the sustained therapeutic curiosity itself threatening and enraging, and this doesn't seem to diminish over time.
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2025.01.23 01:30 AutoModerator Multilevel Models, Random Intercept & Slope for items ? | Stats & Data Analysis
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2025.01.23 01:30 NationalAnything1547 Best Online Retailers To Buy Goth Clothes
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