My sister will not let me or our parents see her kids anymore.
2025.01.31 07:42 TheConcernedUncle My sister will not let me or our parents see her kids anymore.
I am a 30 year old male, my sister is 43. Our dad is 64 and mom is 73. We have been a part of my niece's and nephew's lives since they were born, they are 6 and 8 respectively. My parents and I are currently not allowed to see the kids after a "fight" my sister and my mom got into over the phone about half a year ago.
Sorry if this runs long.
For context on my sister: My sister has terrible anxiety that she does nothing about, she used to see a therapist and take medication but no longer does. She is very controlling and borderline germophobic, my therapist believes it's contamination OCD. She is very unkind, and almost always talks negatively about others behind their backs. She even verbally abuses her husband in front of us and the kids, calling him lazy and stupid. My nephew has repeated this to us while visiting with us, as well as calling his sister a brat, which he did not get from us. Her husband does what he's told and does not stand up for himself. She is a user, my parents have given her lots of money for medical bills, toys and furniture. They tag-teamed watching her kids when they were very young for at least three years before my sister stopped working, and has always been ungrateful, and she does the same with her in-laws. She is a liar, for example, one night last year while my mom and my niece were in bed, she told her grandma a secret: "Grandma, my mom says you're mean." "Well granddaughter, do you think I'm mean?" "No grandma, I think you're nice." My sister has also threatened suicide in the past. She did this one time while dealing with cancer a few years ago (which my parents willingly paid for medical bills, she is now cancer-free). She and I had not been on speaking terms for over a year, but she caved and called me when my parents would not pick up the phone during her time with cancer. She would call them frequently during this time, and when they would hang up after doing their best to console her, she would continue to call them repeatedly 10-20 times. Despite not having talked, I was willing to pick up the phone when she called my phone and I helped calm her down on multiple occasions, even once while her husband was driving her to the hospital because she was not feeling well, screaming at him and me from the passenger seat while over the phone. On one of these calls with me she threatened suicide as a way to hurt me, I told her to never do that again, but continued to pick up her calls.
The "fight": In August, my sister had called my mom as she often does to vent about her kids and says "I'm done. I want to leave. I can't take it anymore," all while my niece is crying in the background (my sister was in the parents' bedroom with the door shut, with her daughter on the other side of the door). My mom had the phone on speaker while she let her vent so me and my dad could hear, too. My mom had the nerve to ask if her granddaughter was okay, and my sister screamed at my mom who remained calm the entire time, until my sister hung up. I attempted multiple times to call my sister to talk to her about how she treats my mom, but she never picked up or responded to my texts. My mom and I have not directly talked to my sister since then, though my sister called my dad a few times because she favors him for putting up with her behavior more, which he has since stopped doing as well.
Being cut off: Before this, my mom had offered to watch my sister's dog for a couple days while her family went to LEGO Land, but after how she was treated my mom did not feel comfortable doing this. My sister has no one else to do favors for her because she hates her husband's parents, and has pushed all of her friends away. She had her husband send a guilt trip-ridden text message asking if she was still going to watch the dog and that the kids were really looking forward to their trip, and my mom chose not to reply, as she hadn't received an apology from her daughter. In trying to talk with her husband more directly, he confided in my mom that my niece "cries nearly everyday for 20-30 minutes at a time," and believes that she has anxiety. My niece rarely cries when she comes to visit us. Come October, her husband calls my dad and says that we are no longer allowed to see the kids because my sister is afraid "we might say bad things about their mom." She is the last thing we want to talk about when they're over, and we never bad mouth her in front of them. I again tried calling my sister a few times and left voicemails, this time while sobbing because I was so hurt I was losing my family for nothing that we or the kids did wrong. She again called my dad and told him she was done with us. I was so worried about my niece that I called CPS, asking that they get my niece someone to talk to and to try and help my sister see someone about her behavior. She makes them strip in the garage as soon as they get home, wouldn't let my niece out of the bathtub to pee because she "didn't want to get the floor wet." They are not allowed to visit friends because their homes are "dirty," and they cannot have friends over because she "doesn't want them to get her house dirty." On a similar night to the one I mentioned above, she started crying and my mom had to comfort her while my niece said things like, "I'm a bad daughter. My mom doesn't like me. She thinks I'm messy. I want my mom to like me." I did not call CPS to spite my sister, I just want my niece to be okay, and I told them that I didn't want the kids taken away, but their mom truly needs help.
What we've tried since: We had my dad try multiple times to text my sister about having the kids over on their vacations (we have their school schedule) since she likes him more, no answer. My mom tried texting earlier this month if we will ever be allowed to see the kids again, as she had promised my mom many years ago that she would always be allowed to see the grandkids, no answer. I tried calling as well but the first did not connect and the second went straight to voicemail, I suspect she blocked us. My sister has done multiple things to prevent us from reaching out, such as unfriending my dad and I on Steam, as we would regularly play games online with my nephew. I continue to share my library with my nephew, I will never revoke this. He has not been allowed on Discord since August, in fact the last couple days of messages from him to me have been deleted. In December I sent the kids a personal Christmas card I made with a couple Nintendo Eshop gift cards in it. I had the letter registered so I know she received it, and I pre-peeled the gift card codes and wrote them down, neither have been used, so again, I suspect she threw it out or at least hid it from them. This morning we talked with a family lawyer about getting visitation rights, but we have no case because the parents are still together and neither is incarcerated.
What now?: We are so heartbroken over what has happened and that my sister is using her own young children just to spite us. Especially after all we have done to help raise them, provide for them, and give them a much needed break from the anxious environment her mom creates. We don't know what else to do. We are afraid to physically meet with either of them since it is our only way of contacting them to reach an agreement about seeing the children again, and we fear her getting a restraining order. Those children love us, as they cling to us when we drop them back off at home, not ready to leave. We used to have regular contact with both of them outside of visits. We are their only friends they were allowed to hang out with outside of school. My niece would facetime her grandparents and put on the face filters or give them guided tours of their home, and my sister would often do this when she "couldn't deal" with her and had my parents comfort her instead. My nephew and I regularly played games online like Minecraft, or sometimes I would share my screen and show him some games while he plays something on his other monitor. We would surprise them with visits and take them mini golfing or to Chuck E. Cheese. We've been there for their birthdays and graduations and take them to lunch or dinner at restaurants. My parents and I keep getting in arguments over what we should do now, as were pinning all our hopes on visitation rights, I feel like I've let them down because I was doing all of the research on where to go and getting appointments and meetings until this point, it was new territory for all of us. I'm so afraid that my sister is trying to turn the kids against us by telling them that we ruined their vacation or that we don't like them anymore. I don't regret any of the actions I've taken thus far, but I feel so defeated. Is there anything we can do now?
Thank you so much for reading, I don't know where else to turn.
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Hey guys,
I move countries often and I want to retain access to my home services (UK). To that end, I've decided to update protection and include the VPN at the same time and OPNSense on paper fits me PERFECTLY. I want to run the FW/VPN 24/7 and route all traffic to/from the UK.
I have recently installed OPNSense in a Windows Hyper-V and a twin NIC PC and it's working perfectly as a bridge to my network and, as far as I can tell protecting me. That means only the VPN part and this is where I'm struggling...
I was with NordVPN and individual software installs on the clients but they, for some reason, will not provide the details for Wireguard and have to use their app on all the clients so, cancelled that. Real shame as I could almost max out my 1gb in Singapore with WireGuard!
Just tried WireShark and, after explicitly confirming with them that they offer WireGuard details BEFORE I signed up, then gave me some VERY out of date docs which, due to my basic knowledge of OPNSense and WireGuard, I've been unable to work with.
I did try following the official docs (I assumed I was a "Road Warrior" setup?) but, even these don't match gui to doc (screen caps don't match the version I have 24.7.12_4-amd64) so, I'm unable to complete.
Can anyone recommend a high-speed VPN provider that will provide WireGuard and high quality install docs for OPNSense, please? Or maybe you know a high-speed VPN supplier and 3rd party docs that are up-to-date?
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A link to my last album I produced entirely in Maschine… before the ‘great experimentation’ began:
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