Need opinions about my BJJ teacher
2024.11.28 03:51 Purple-City9301 Need opinions about my BJJ teacher
Hello. In this post I'm going to be quite blatant because I don't really care what people think about me and I'm honestly just trying to figure out how deep the cultism in this sport goes.
So I'm a white belt female who has been practicing this sport for a year and 8 months or so. When I reached a year of BJJ, I had to leave the town I was living in and I took a break from BJJ. Then, around February or March of this year, classes started existing in the gym that I work out at so I decided to give it a try. The teacher was a new black belt and he only had 1 student ( an old woman that pretty much lives in the gym and takes part in any activity that exists in it) and then me and my boyfriend joined it. Some students appeared over time but all of them left. Eventually he started "forcing" people to join, one of them was his girlfriend that he dates for around 10 months. i never liked that he had his girlfriend here because I knew that there would be preferences from him towards her and I didn't want to be part of it but eventually problems happened. He put us to spar each other and I won by submission. Then, 2 months later in October, he put us to spar again. We started standing and she did some Judo throw that I don't even know the name that ended with me falling on the floor with my cheek and ear taking the fall damage. However I had my arms wrapped around her as underhooks and she was turning the other way when she slammed me and trying to keep me there but I got out of it and submitted her again. There was less than a minute left for the 5 minutes spar to end and I was in pain from the slam and unsatisfied so I said the word "Fuck" and also said that I was done with the spar. The reason I said that word was because the teacher himself had said it multiple times in the mat so I thought that I could say it too. After that spar I sat on the side and I saw the teacher and his girlfriend speaking. He was very unsatisfied and he was gesturing to her with his hands what she should have done. He was pretty much cranking with his hands, indicating that she should not have left me get out of that neck hold after I was slammed when she was facing the other side.
The next day there was class again and he made us spar again. Very violent stand up as usual and I submitted her yet again. I also used the word "fuck" thinking I could. After I said that word he started screaming at me and saying that I was disrespectful and to never do that again. He scolded me for like 10 minutes. I was very embarrassed but suspicious at the same time.
Two weeks after, we sparred again and he kept interrupting the spar because I was near the wall or close to being outside the mat and resetting the positions and this time she won by decision. Funny enough I was outside the mat when she held me in side control but he didn't reset that. He was extremely happy and glowing. I was depressed because I knew that he preferred her and that I was never going to be treated equally. Then, the following week as I was about to submit her by triangle he started spamming for reset. I got angry and complained and because of that he scolded me for 30 minutes and said that I was only interested in winning and that back in his day he would have gotten beaten up by his teacher if someone spoke to him andlike I did. He also said that if I behaved like this again he would expel me.
After this incident I lost interest in everything and my boyfriend and I decided to let him know that I was done sparring his girlfriend to avoid issues. He played it cool but he detested it. He lacks students, he only has one more female student apart from me and his girlfriend and it's an old woman so he needs a female student to spar his girlfriend as he wants her to compete. He even said she is his woman so he will force her to compete even though she doesn't want to.
By the way he wanted us to compete too but I never had intentions to do it as I would lose because of his bad coaching and embarrass myself on camera forever. He doesn't know anything about guard play even though he's a black belt, a very incomplete teacher.. if I wanted to know how to play guard well I would never be able to because he doesn't know how to play it and is always complaining about guard players. The classes are very repetitive too, always the same moves even if they are mastered, it's almost as if he has nothing else to teach.
Today a tragedy happened. Me and my boyfriend came to class and I was not in a good mood and neither was him. My boyfriend kicked me lightly in the leg and the teacher took opportunity to be a fake white knight and start screaming at my boyfriend. I started crying from the nerves and then he threatened to break my boyfriend's face multiple times and expelled him. Then he told me to go with him to the police and report me and I was just shocked at all of this. I left the lesson and I don't intend to ever return. It's complicated for me because I'm not american nor brazillian and I don't have many BJJ schools in my area so it's over for me pretty much unless I move somewhere else. My boyfriend talked with him at the end of the class and the coach told him that he can come back to the class if he makes a public apology. He also said I'm being punished for not wanting to spar his girlfriend and I will never spar other students again. Noone saw that kick by the way, this is all because I'm better than his girlfriend and he can't handle it and I don't want to be coached by a guy who roots for me to lose.
He was never thankful when me and my boyfriend and the old woman were his only students. Now that he has more ( 1 kid and 2 coworkers that he brought in) he treats us like crap.
One of the first things he said to us when we started taking classes was that his ex was his best student and then he linked an old youtube channel on his whasapp group which was about him and his ex doing BJJ. Clearly there is a pattern. He wanted to do with his new girlfriend what he did with the old one but this new one doesn't even like BJJ, she just has an ego so she get's very aggressive in the spars with me.
I'll be honest. The biggest reason I joined this sport was for self defense and to be able to defeat someone outside if it would get to a fight and I also didn't want to get hit in the face.
But people in this sport behave weirdly. I think I have to sell my soul if I want to get good at this complicated sport and I'm not into it. It's just a sport and I'm sick of all this hierarchy and forced respect and mistreatment. There are a bunch of people who hurt others on purpose in this sport but noone cares or noticed.. I myself got hurt by a guy much heavier than me and on steroids and I never complained because he would just play dumb.
Regardless, I'm writing this because I want to know what the community of this sport has to say about my post, who is in the wrong, etc.. but I don't really care if it's bad comments. This sport is full of fakeness and people forcing others to put a smile on their face and pretend things are okay when they aren't. Maybe I should have just joined a striking sport.
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2024.11.28 03:51 HermioneGrangeeee45 Daycare pickup advice
Need advice.
Went to pick my baby up today at daycare and his usual (2) teachers were not there at pickup, even though they were there at drop-off.
There were 2 women there that were stand in teachers for pickup. I had never met them and they had never met me. We had small introductions and then I left with my baby.
Now bear with me, that it’s the holidays and I didn’t even think of this at the time - - but now that I do think of it, I had never met them and vice versa, but they just let me take my baby without ID’ing me. Now, this makes me worried.
How do I bring this up to the director?
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2024.11.28 03:51 Business_Mouse_8924 My ex is suing me over a gift he sent me willingly
Long story short im a student and my ex owns his own business. My ex sent me money as a birthday gift, this was at the beginning of this year. Few weeks after that he started acting weird towards me, became more distant less affectionate and i found out he was cheating on me and we split up and broke all contact, i deleted everything that was between us and moved on. Nothing was ever said about the money.
2 months ago an unfamiliar number called me and it was a man i dont know, he knew my address, full name everything and started threatening me to pay the money back to my ex, said he knew about everything about me and he has all the ''proof''. Me being a girl that lives alone with a young sister, having an older unfamiliar man threaten me on the phone demanding money from me scared the hell out of me and i immediately started panicking and saying i don’t have the money but i’ll solve this. I know i’m not obligated to pay back but i genuinely felt scared which led to me saying that on the phone out of panic (shouldnt have done that)
My ex texted me a few hours later suddenly saying the money he sent me was sent by mistake and he gave me 5 days to pay it back or else he’ll sue in which i replied ‘’wtf are you doing’’. It’s been over 6 months since the transaction, it wasn’t a loan, i have never even asked for a single cent from him, the only thing that has been said was a very long thank you message from me because i appreciated his generosity, and i don’t have those texts anymore because i deleted everything that was between us since we broke up
He then proceeded to say that i was being recorded during the phone call and since i said i’d solve it, i have now admitted that im guilty of keeping money that he sent me by mistake. He kept threatening to sue me, to file a report against me etc in which i just stopped replying and ignored him and thought he’d just give up. its been a month now and i just received a letter in the mail informing me that he opened a case against me. Wtf do i do ? i have never had anything to do with the law, i’m a student with no money, i work part time but i barely make enough to last me a full month. Im genuinely heartbroken that he’s doing this to me but even more that he had a random man call me to scare me and use my reaction against me and now im wondering if he can legally use it to make me pay him ? what do i do
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2024.11.28 03:51 Fappy_Time_Now I'm in love with my best friend
And she doesn't feel the same way, but that's okay!
Bailey and I met about 3 years ago when I started my current job. We worked in separate departments and quickly became friends. At the time, she and I were both in relationships, with her then-partner working in her department as well. At work, people started calling her my "work wife" and our respective partners became unhappy about our friendship. She eventually changed jobs and we fell out of touch.
A few months ago, I came to learn that she had broken off her engagement. Upon hearing this news, I decided to reach out and offer her support. As soon as we started talking again, it was like no time had passed at all, we were just as close as before.
Over the next few weeks we both started making more dirty jokes and innuendos, and the topic of us having sex came up. We talked about our mutual attraction to each other and how she would like to explore some of the kinky stuff that I have experience with. We talked about it at length, and both agreed that the friendship came first, no matter what, but we would try it. So we fucked, and it was great! The chemistry in the bedroom between the two of us was so strong, I couldn't believe it.
When the sex conversation was had, I didn't feel anything romantic towards her. Once we started having sex, I started feeling things. My mind was telling me that it was only lust, but my heart disagreed. I talked about this with her, and we decided to end our sexual partnership because of the feelings on my part.
Since we've stopped having sex, my feelings have only been growing stronger each day. Every time I see this woman I'm stunned, I can't help myself. The way I feel has made me question if I've ever truly loved someone, and I've been in a few longer relationships. She does feel love for me too, but not romantically. We both appreciate and respect each other deeply, and I intend to be her friend until my end.
But alas, she doesn't love me in the same way. I feel like I should be more bothered by this, but I'm not? I have an amazing friend that I trust more than anyone in my life. One who inspires me to be my best self, and I recognize how invaluable that is.
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