Terrified I assaulted someone (TW)
2025.01.18 18:57 DesignerMinute4841 Terrified I assaulted someone (TW)
I (25F) suddenly remembered a memory from when I was 19 and am scared I committed assault. Me and this guy (I’ll call him D) had slept together twice already and we’d been friends before that, but we’d agreed to call it off (romantically) after the second date because we didn’t have that much in common. However, we’d carried on flirting whenever we saw each other and at one particular party me and D ended up in a room kissing. I remember his kisses were a bit more sloppy than mine but I was into it and wanted to go back with him so to check how he was feeling I asked, “would you like to come back to mine tonight?” And he said “yes”.
A friend then came into the bedroom and sat talking with us for a while, I now remember that we shared a giggle over D slurring his words a little. I want to add that I was probably somewhere between tipsy and drunk myself but I did know that D was more drunk than me.
A while after we left the party together and he was having an argument with his housemate on the walk home so I ended up kind of just tagging along to his flat instead. With hindsight, this might’ve been a sign he forgot that he’d agreed to go to mine. Maybe I even knew this at the time.
We got to his and were kissing in his living room. He asked me if I wanted to go to his bedroom and I said yes. We begun to have sex and after a minute or two he said “I feel a bit too drunk” so we stopped. We cuddled, fell asleep and I left the next morning. In the weeks after he didn’t try to initiate again with me and one of our mutual friends made a joke about him regretting our night of drunk sex.
At the time, I thought nothing of it and didn’t feel anything weird had happened. I actually even thought of the memory with fondness. It wasn’t until this year that I suddenly saw the event in a new light and massively massively freaked out. I ended up messaging D as we’re still friends and he said he never felt uncomfortable with me. I asked him if he’d remembered that event the morning after (I was scared he might’ve woken up and not remembered) and he said as it was a long time ago he didn’t remember if he remembered, but he’s sure he would’ve done.
I keep replaying the details in my mind and can’t get over the fact I registered his slurred speech and still thought it was okay to go back with him. I was drunk but he was drunker. I feel sick with guilt even thought he said it was okay. Not sure how to move on :(
EDIT / some context - I have OCD that usually centres around a fear of harm. I know this probably ties into my worries but I can’t help h think if this was the other way round and a guy slept with a girl drunker than him it would be rape. I’ve always cared a lot about respecting people and having been assaulted myself it terrifies me to think I could’ve done the same thing.
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2025.01.18 18:57 hkbreezy8 Made these on NikeID around 10 years ago. Lucky sneakers. Let's get this win today.
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2025.01.18 18:57 zakuretsu Introducing Unban TikTok (UNBAN): A Token to Empower Creators and Communities
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2025.01.18 18:57 lilithyre Paralyzed deciding if I should text him
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We never agreed to go no contact; quite the opposite, said that we always wanted to be in each other’s lives.
I already have “Is the distance good?” typed out and ready to send to him (because one of his more recent texts he said he was trying to figure out if the distance was good or not).
I dreamt about him last night and that he had found someone new and I was devastated. I miss him so much. It literally makes me sick thinking of being with anyone else. He liked some of my Instagram stories recently which he usually doesn’t do.
I know I sound crazy but this boy still has my heart and I am hurting. I can’t shake him and all the hopes and dreams I had for us. I’m struggling so much and have no one to talk to about this. Please someone help me decide if what to do.
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