Im actually so scared of accepting my intrusive thoughts *TW HARM OCD*
2025.01.31 06:20 Typical-Implement369 Im actually so scared of accepting my intrusive thoughts *TW HARM OCD*
Im between needing support and advice and also wanting to vent just to get this off of my mind.
So I have been suffering with harm OCD however mostly it's been with suicidal thoughts. Oddly enough I can usually get past those thoughts on my own. But my harm OCD manifested itself in a new way to me just last week.
About a week ago i had a dream about harming a family member. It messed me up in the head because the day before, me and this particular family member got into a verbal fight. It sent me into a spiral. "Did i really dream that???" Anyways I had a mini panic attack in my bed and then decided to go about my day.
Furthermore the anger i felt with my particular family member scared me even more. I was angry with them and having these scary thoughts. Even though we fought I don't want to do anything like harm them???? So my brain was confused and kept telling me "see you are angry so you must want to hurt them" and it sent me into a spiral.
The thoughts of "what if I harm them" persisted all day. I kept trying to shove my thoughts and suppress them because I was so scared I would do what happened in my dream. Surely I was going insane right? My mind kept telling me I was a monster.
Well so I'm dealing with this for a couple of days and eventually the anxiety of the thought starts to go away. Now I'm having the intrusive thought without the anxiety bc its nothing new at this point. I then realized that I had that intrusive thought but didn't feel any worry. It sent me into another spiral...
"How could I have this thought and not have anxiety attached to it!?!?"
Anyways I decided to face my fear and Google what was going on. Upon reading I learned about Harm OCD. I have been diagnosed OCD my whole life but again. Very recently has it manifested itself in harm. Which scared me out of nowhere.
Upon researching my harm OCD I discovered this YouTube account that I really liked called "OCD and Anxiety" where this man talks about harm ocd. It helped me cope ALOT. As he was explaining I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Then came the next day and I kept watching the video everything the intrusive thought came back. And again. And again. And again.
Until I realized that I was using these videos as a compulsion to feel better with this harm intrusive thought.
As I kept watching he explains that the best way to get rid of an intrusive thought is to simply accept it.
The thought of excepting what I did in my dream and having these thoughts scare me. I can't accept it. And I'm starting to feel better, but I just still feel shame and guilt.
*I also don't have the funds right now for therapy :(
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¿chicas ustedes estarían con alguien que les dice eso ? A mí me cuesta aceptarlo porque me hace sentir insegura y no suficiente para el.
Vamos viviendo juntos por 6 meses y el último mes hemos pelado mucho porque yo siento que me pongo celosa cuando estamos con otras personas y chicas guapas porque se que el me a dicho eso y se que está pensado así y me incomoda demasiado 🥲 quisiera que no fuera así pero es lo que siento no se si es mejor dejar ir o luchar la relación.
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Citiți articolul
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Hey everyone,
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Right now, I work as a commissioning engineer for special production lines, but I’m currently stuck with a bit of a mental block at work. So, I figured it might be nice to chat with some new people and take my mind off things!
If you're up for a conversation about anything—gaming, anime, life in general—just hit me up!
Looking forward to meeting some cool people!
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https://preview.redd.it/js5dlry1v9ge1.jpg?width=1559&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e948b46696d84fb98f1b82d3dc5043b549879a86
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