I 28F called off my engagement to 29M. How to move forward?
2024.11.27 02:25 confusedduckling29 I 28F called off my engagement to 29M. How to move forward?
Hello everyone,
As the title suggests, I am a 28 yo Punjabi F (born and raised in the US) and I recently called off my engagement to a 29 yo Punjabi M (also born and raised in the US). Although, I am from the States, I always thought I would be able to practice and adhere to my traditional Punjabi/Indian culture. This includes but is not limited to celebrating certain holidays, practicing my religion, and of course arranged marriage. My parents were always very conservative and disliked every possible guy I ever introduced to them. I eventually admitted defeat and asked them to find someone for me so that they would be happy (same religion, caste, educational qualifications). What really mattered to me was sharing the same religious values and being able to build a family.
Well my father somewhat arranged my engagement to my ex-fiance in 2022. I am currently in school and will graduate in December (medical field). Our engagement was approximately two years long. I honestly did not think I would experience what I did because even though it was somewhat "arranged," all my cousins in India and in the states who were "arranged," did end up in successful marriages. My relationship was very toxic to say the least.
August 2022- Engaged.
Feb 2023- Find out he is a diabetic (severely uncontrolled) and he loses his left toe. His family NEVER mentioned that he had any health problems and this was a huge shock to me and my family. I decided to stay with him because I had promised to be with him through thick and thin. I would not want someone to leave if I were to fall ill. Honestly, this was my biggest mistake.
Feb 2023-June 2023- I am verbally abused by his mother because I had told my fiance that I would leave if he did not take care of his health. I intended to stay but I needed to know that he would actually take the right steps to correct his health. She constantly taunts me and tells me that I could "run off with anyone." Basically, calling me untrustworthy and another word I won't say on this post.
June 2023- He is healing and attempting to live a better life. His mother still has a very hot/cold personality towards me.
Oct 2023-Feb 2024- His parents (future MIL and FIL) are CONSTANTLY arguing and involving us in their arguments. My MIL complains that her husband is not engaging in sexual relations with her and will constantly compare herself to me. She also states that her husband (my FIL) is surrounded by young women who attempt to seduce him because he is wealthy. At one point during this time, she starts to COVER ME (shawl or blanket) so that my FIL will not look at me. In this whole relationship, I never once saw him look at me inappropriately. This man is so sweet (like a dad) he only gives me side hugs to be respectful. Furthermore, my fiance's health is declining. He is being treated for diabetic retinopathy (diabetes is affecting his eyes) and his mother states that her son is ONLY sick when I have exams.
Feb 2024- August 2024- Hanging on for dear life. Wedding planning is happening and his mother constantly taunts me. My parents are not as wealthy as them. She dislikes the venue or the decorations my family chose or she herself wants everything I want (the clothing I am choosing for myself or bridal makeup for example).
Sept 2024-Oct 2024- My fiance is about to lose another toe. I stay by his side and even slept in the hospital, missed days of my rotations, and did my best to help him. I finally crack and tell him that we should push the wedding back and also consider moving out of his parents home. He agrees. The day that my family and his family go to sit down, his mother BASHES me in front of everyone. She brings up every little thing I have ever done wrong or any disagreement we have ever had. She denies ever taunting me. The worst part? Her son supports her. I took off my ring and called it off. After he sees my ring is off, he apologizes and says that his mother did taunt me and my family. At this point, its too late.
How do I move forward from this?
I know many of you may be wondering as to why I chose to stay with my fiance despite being born and raised in the US. Honestly, my parents moved to the states in the 90's and they brought their mindsets/views with them. This greatly influenced my upbringing and being my father's only daughter, I did not want the others in our Indian/Punjabi community to mock him based on my choices. The constant struggle of belonging nowhere is real. I am not FULLY Indian/Punjabi and I am not FULLY American either. But I do realize after this incident that I need to stand up for myself and not worry about "log kya kahenge." I am a bit scared about the backlash I will receive in my community but I will have to be brave.
EDIT: This post was removed and now posted to this forum!
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I just joined
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