AITA for putting my wedding planner out of business?
2025.01.23 01:09 Illustrious_Hurry_18 AITA for putting my wedding planner out of business?
My late husband (30) and myself (29) were best friends for nearly ten years before we realized in 2007 that something was clearly there between us. It didn't take long for us to realize how clueless we had been, falling in love soon after and wanting to marry. While he died of surgical complications at 40, I can still proudly and happily say that I had the fairy tale everyone hopes for. Wonderful husband, a mother-in-law that loves me and is the salt of the earth, and the best ten years of marriage I could have ever asked for, including three glorious children.
So if my husband was my Prince Charming, then our wedding planner was the evil stepmother.
My late husband and I have always been geeks; comic books, sci-fi, gothic themes, etc. We are happily off-center. So when we settled on a Victorian Gothic themed wedding we knew exactly what we wanted. A blood red flowing gown for me, him in a black Victorian style suit and tails, roses and black orchids, a black wedding cake with silver spiderweb designs flowing down it, and the perfect outdoor setting at a mountain resort, which was an important location for us; a family tragedy occurred near there decades before and we wanted to provide the family better memories of the location with our special day. In this regard we were low maintenance; we had already purchased our clothes (I managed to score this 3,000 red crimson dress with detailing and a huge train for only 500 bucks!,) a friend of ours was a D.J. and asked do give his services as a wedding gift, and a friend who was an ordained minister agreed to dress in Victorian era Priest garb to marry us. We had a lot down. But we need help with how to decorate. How to work our color scheme of black, red, and silver. How to set up the reception decorations and centerpiece ideas. Things like that. So we went to a local bridal fair to search for potential vendors that we would love. The minute we found this wedding planners display area, we were in awe. She had a mock table setup that was nearly identical to the vision we had in our head. We knew we scored.
Our planner- we'll call her Eve- fell in love with our vision instantly. Even she agreed it was so similar to her mock table that clearly our collaboration was meant to be. We scheduled a date and time to meet with her. She gave her pitch, we agreed, and the deal was done. We happily signed the contracr with her. We thought we had scored the wedding planner jackpot.
Oh, sweet hubris.
Had we known the train wreck she would be we would never have given Eve the carte Blanche we so blindly provided. We gave her the card information for the wedding budget account and the agreement was thst she would send us samples of pieces she envisioned and if we signed off on it, she would pay for it with the account information we had set up. All seemed well. Please bear in mind that we had a modest budget of 4,000 dollars, so we weren't expecting extravagant That isn't who we were. And we had so many professionals as friends in various fields, that the offers for their services were pouring in, so we counted them as wedding gifts. They had no need to bring a present when they were willing to do their job for us for free. It was a blessing. With that in mind, we started finding it odd that the wedding account starting to slowly trickle money without our being notified. 5 dollars here...twenty there...etc. Then out of nowhere we began getting charges of 200 bucks for vases, 500 for flowers, 1000 for God KNOWS what, etc. And not once had we gotten any call, email, or text, for our opinion on what was being supplied for our wedding. My fiance' had enough and contacted her. She had been buying up all the supplies for the wedding and reception and signing off things like flowers (which we didn't give final input on,) and centerpieces (again, we gave no input on,) and simply had them wrapped, shipped, and ready to go without consulting us. My fiance needless to say gave her a mouthful over that as it was not part of the contract. As the damage was already done, getting refunds in time for the wedding was impossible, so we were stuck. Luckily it was within the realm of our visuon, but Eve had gone overboard . Due to the overdraw she caused, we had to tale a loan to cover the cost. A loan that sang to the tune of 8,000 dollars.
But that isn't even the worst part
The wedding day rolled around. My fiance and I had decided thay the debacle with the planner was not worth the stress and agreed to just move forward. This day was a decade in coming for us and we just wanted to focus on the happiness. The night before the wedding Eve called to finalize the time the crew would come in with her to decorate. She wanted to start decorating at 11 that morning, both the mountain lodge location for the wedding and its reception area.
The wedding was at 2. And her "crew" was just her, her sister, and her mother.
"Yeah that is NOT gonna work," my fiance said. "You won't have the time to get that much ready before the ceremony with the size of this place and just three people. But the Lodge said they would open the place up as early as six AM for decoration so anytime from there on would give you a bigger window."
He never once said they had to be there AT six AM. Only that it gave her the opportunity to start earlier. But she replied, "I refuse to wake my mother up any earlier than ten in the morning. "
Now my fiance' was a passive man. Not confrontational. This was the only time I heard him angry or stern when he bluntly said, "I am sorry if I come off as a Groomzilla, but you signed the contract the same as we did. The one that says you work for us. We can't control that you didn't come prepared with more people. You need to be there earlier or there will be a problem." Reluctantly and ANGRILY, she complied.
But you guessed it...that's still not the worst part.
Allow me to preface the worst part with some backstory. I have a child from a previous marriage . The man has never actively been a part of her life; my fiance raised her from diapers until he died. Our daughter was nine years old at the time of our marriage. Our wedding was in the peak of June, in a region where it was 96 degrees in the freaking shade. The planner insisted that we take all wedding photos before the wedding, which was an outside venue. My daughter was in a huge red poofy dress, as she was part of my bridal party. But it didn't take long for the heat to get to her. After my shots with the group I went to use the bathroom and finish last minute prep.Eve apparently decided the bridal party needed more shots without me, making my daughter be stuck outaide in the heat for longer than necessary. My father found me during this time and told me my daughter got sick from heat exhaustion in the dress. I immediately went into mom mode and rushed to the changing room where they were fanning her and giving her water. She was so pale yet so warm and I was petrified. I immediately helped her out of her dress and into her street clothes and my father went to the caterer to fetch her something light and bland to settle her stomach, along with more water. Some time passed and she was feeling better, so she wanted to put the dress back on and go out there. She loved how she looked in it. But after only seconds having the dress on, the thickness of it proved too much and she felt sick again. My daughter walked down the aisle with me in her street clothes and I couldn't have cared less. She felt better, she wasn't hot, and she was safe. That was all I was worried about. The ceremony went off without a hitch. Everything was just as perfect as I hoped it would be. But in the receiving line I was told disturbing news. The heat sickness episode happened only fifteen minutes before the wedding. When Eve got wind of what happening, she snapped angrily in front of God and everyone:
"I DON'T CARE WHO IS SICK OR WHY. THIS WEEDING WILL START ON TIME!"
You apparently could have heard a pin drop from the guests and bridal party. Everyone heard the entire thing.
They kept it from us so as to tell us after the ceremony and not ruin our day. But ohh...how enraged we became. We cornered her privately about it, to which she said the guests were lying. One of the guests that heard her was my sixty-five year old, sweet little Southern Baptist GRANDMOTHER.
"I don't care if we were married here, or got married at a courthouse next week to give my daughter time to feel better," I snapped. "You do not control anything about my daughter and her health. She is the priority. In the grand scheme of things lady, you are fucking nothing. "
We didn't sue. We didn't retaliate in a court. But after we returned from our honeymoon we gathered every guest that had been witness to Eve and her behavior. They posted reviews on every single available source online, from Google to Yahoo to her very own web page. Her business site was shut down within the next month. All mentions of her business were wiped from the internet around the same time. We were one of the last events she ever did. And I have lost ZERO sleep about it.
So... AITA?
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