Am I overreacting to my wife’s criticism and behavior in our marriage?
2025.01.22 20:06 Past_Ad7729 Am I overreacting to my wife’s criticism and behavior in our marriage?
I (39M) have been married to my wife (36F) for almost 8 years, and we’ve been together for over 22 years. We have two young kids (5M and 3F). Over the past few years, our marriage has become really challenging. I feel like no matter what I do, I can’t seem to meet her expectations, and her words often cut deeply.
One of the hardest things for me to process is that she’s openly said she wants me to be a completely different person. She’s told me: - “I hoped you’d become a different person over the years.” - “I want you to be a different person.” - “You’re exhausting, and others would think the same if I told them everything.”
It feels like nothing about who I am is good enough for her. For example, I’m naturally introverted and don’t maintain a wide social circle, but she says this is a major issue. She’s even told me that if she had realized how little I socialize, she wouldn’t have married me.
She often compares me to other men, saying things like, “Other husbands are more helpful, work less, and make their wives happier,” or, “With a different partner, I’d be much further in life.” These comparisons make me feel like she’s constantly measuring me against some impossible standard.
Over the years, her criticism has escalated. Once, while I was recovering from surgery, she told me that I might never work properly again and that she couldn’t stay with someone in that situation. More recently, when I brought up how much her comments hurt me, her response was, “You’re exhausting, and others would agree if I told them everything.”
I’ve tried to address her words and actions, explaining how deeply they affect me, but she often deflects or dismisses my feelings as overreactions. When I remind her of things she’s said, like wanting me to change or feeling like I’m not enough, she brushes it off or doubles down, saying, “You’re just being dramatic.”
I’ve also tried to support her practically and emotionally. I work full-time from home and regularly offer to help with the kids or household tasks. For example, I recently volunteered to pick up birthday decorations for our son during my workday to ease her stress. Despite these efforts, she rarely acknowledges them and often acts like I’m still falling short.
A few specific examples of her behavior: 1. Criticism over trivial things: While dropping off our kids at kindergarten, another mom told her son, “You can’t always be on vacation.” I jokingly added, “I’d love to be on vacation all year!” Later, my wife told me my comment was inappropriate because the mom was trying to teach her son something, and I undermined her. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it felt like another instance where whatever I say or do is wrong in her eyes.
- Dismissing emotional intimacy: Recently, she tried to hug me, and I couldn’t accept it because I felt emotionally drained after everything she’s said. She later told me, “You say hugging can help, but you didn’t even let me,” and made me feel like I was the problem for not instantly letting go of the pain.
- Inconsistent behavior: Despite everything, she’ll sometimes switch to normal, even cheerful behavior, talking about things like new dining chairs or our upcoming family vacation as if nothing is wrong. This leaves me feeling confused and invalidated because the deeper issues remain unaddressed.
When I confront her about her comments or behavior, she often flips the script, saying, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “You’re the one who makes everything difficult.” She’s even suggested that if she told others about our issues, they’d all side with her.
I feel like I’ve done everything I can to communicate, support her, and improve our marriage, but nothing ever seems enough.
Am I overreacting to her comments and behavior? Or am I justified in feeling like I’m being unfairly criticized, dismissed, and undervalued in my own marriage?
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2025.01.22 20:06 Sparkles25323 Can I use a Labret piercing on my tongue with the flat side at the top
I am going to be starting work at a private school and as anyone who has been to or has worked at a private school would know, it is classified as ‘inappropriate’ and ‘unprofessional’ to have any piercings apart from a small stud on the lower lobe. I am looking for a solution where I can still keep my tongue piercing, but have it not noticeable. If I buy a pink labret or a metal one with a clear ‘back’ then I’m thinking I may be able to get away with it? I’m looking for a hypoallergenic bar though as I don’t want any risk of infection.
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I am planning on making a ttrpg for my dnd group, i would like to do stuff based on my favrouite things/games/hobbies, they would be farcry, dark souls, bloodborne, battlefield, purge, hellpoint, Jurassic world, Brooklyn 99, call of Cthulhu (I already have call of Cthulhu but I want to try making a game by myself (or with a bit of your guys’ help)), politics. If anyone has any ideas for these, please make it specific to one, I would find it very helpful, thank you
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Are there any albums similar to this one by BVB or other similar bands? Really liked the sound of that one, and am looking for other things like it
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2025.01.22 20:06 MstrBakr007 Visiting on Feb
I'll be visiting Dumaguete and Siquijor on Feb 15-19. Post valentine treat lol. Might have to spend the night on my first day at DGT because I don't wanna ride the ferry nang late or gabi.
I actually have no idea where to buy the ferry tickets yet so might be best to find a nearby place to sleep in so I can catch the morning trip?
No itinerary yet whatsoever. Am I overly optimistic about this trip. Or are there certain things that I should totally plan ahead of time.😅.
I have no idea what to do on starting late afternoon of the 18th at DMGT after returning from Siquijor. Does it make sense to just have the Valencia tour morning the next day (19th) before I catch my PM flight same day?
Recomms on decent pasalubongs also welcome. Apart from Sans Rival if possible. TIA. Mwah
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2025.01.22 20:06 Winter-Log9099 Bruh this AI flashcard thing is actually insane (saved my lazy a**)
Listen, I know we're all out here struggling with studying and I just found the laziest (but actually genius) way to make flashcards.
It's called Flashly and it's literally just an AI that makes your flashcards for you. I was skeptical at first but holy crap it works.
I just copy-pasted my boring bio notes and it spit out a whole set of cards. The best part? You can export them to Quizlet (so you don't have to pay for their premium bs).
Like fr it's:
- Free
- Takes like 2 seconds
- No account needed
- Actually makes decent cards
edit: damn thanks for all the love! and no I'm not getting paid to post this lmao, just trying to help my fellow procrastinators out here 💀
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I just learned about the wandering moon and am kicking myself.
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2025.01.22 20:06 cabson-the-yellow All Guilds Recruiting!
https://discord.gg/YXwz2jHQ
Attention SWGOH players of all levels! Are you tired of playing alone or with a lackluster alliance? Do you want to join a group of dedicated and enthusiastic players who share your passion for the game? Look no further! Our guilds are currently recruiting new members and we want YOU to join us. We are a highly active alliance with a friendly and supportive community. We are committed to helping our members progress in the game and achieve their goals. Whether you are a veteran player or just starting out, we welcome all levels of experience.
The Schwartzies Alliance has a strong focus on teamwork and communication. We use Discord to coordinate and we regularly strategize around maximizing player rewards and efficiency. Our members are constantly sharing tips and advice to help each other improve and succeed. If you're looking for a fun and engaging Star Wars Galaxy of Heroes experience, then look no further. Join our alliance today and become a part of our community! May the Force be with you.
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2025.01.22 20:06 NaiveNefariousness13 Tulum Property Owners: Preventive Maintenance Routine
Hello fellow Tulum property owners,
I'm reaching out to gather some insights on how you manage and maintain your properties in our beautiful, yet humid, paradise. As we all know, the tropical climate here in Tulum can present unique challenges, especially when it comes to preserving the condition of our homes. I'm particularly interested in how you combat humidity-related issues especially during periods of your property being unoccupied.
I received my ground floor unit with a garden and pool area two weeks ago. I am not listing it for rent for another couple of months and will not be their full time. Any recommendations of property managers that are reliable to help with weekly/monthly maintenance would be much appreciated!
Here are some questions I have:
- Ventilation: How often do you ventilate your house, and for how long? Do you use any specific techniques or dehumidifiers
- Air Conditioning: Do you run air conditioners in your property? If so, for how long each day? Have you found this to be an effective method for managing humidity?
- Wax Sealing: Do you seal your chukum walls and wooden cabinets and doors with wax? If so, how often do you need to reapply the wax? Have you found this to be an effective method for preserving these surfaces?
- Other Preventive Measures: Are there any other preventive maintenance tasks you perform regularly to keep your property in top condition? This could include anything from specific cleaning routines to the use of dehumidifiers or other equipment.
Thank you in advance for your time and input!
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