My memories don't feel mine - seeking advice
2025.01.23 16:58 Nervous_Mountain3689 My memories don't feel mine - seeking advice
Hi folks, I wasn't really sure which subreddit to post this into. If you think this would fit better in some other sub, feel free to direct me there.
To give some background: for my entire childhood I was severely psychologically abused, exploited and isolated by my mother and it completely mentally ruined me and made me completely dysfunctional. I won't go into detail, but I'm pretty much the poster child for "mental illness" because of it.
I have however just recently noticed a very strange and worrying issue that has probably always been there, but my brain was masterfully keeping me unaware of it. I seem to be completely separated from my own memory. I don't have amnesia, I have no issue recalling any event that has ever happened to me and how I felt during it, I remember who I am, who others are, I remember places, I don't forget learned facts nor skills. However none of it feels like it happened to me, it all feels like somebody else's memories. Like when you read a book and you remember it well, you can describe what happened in it, but you don't relate to any of it, it's obviously not your life, just a book. That's how I feel about my memories.
Couple of days ago I watched a documentary about Clive Wearing "The man with the 7 second memory" (you can look him up on Youtube) and I oddly relate to him even though he has extreme amnesia while I don't show any signs of memory loss. The same way he can only remember things for like 20 seconds and afterwards they're gone and his memory starts over, I can only retain the sense of self for a couple of seconds and when those pass, whatever was happening gets stored in the "not mine" memory folder and I start over. The same way he keeps writting into his journal again and again "Now I'm truly awake", I could keep my own journal where I would again and again write "Now I truly exist" because I only feel like I exist right now and I've never existed before because I have no memories of my existence, I only have detailed memories of somebody else's life. He describes his experience as being the same as death and that's how I could also describe my experience. For years and years nothig has ever happened to me nor have I ever done anything, I only exist right now at this moment, anything before that is a complete void, nothing.
This of course leads to some pretty bizzare behaviors, especially back when I was convinced that there's nothing wrong with me. We would for example have a conversation and after it's finnished I would demand that we talk about it again, because I would be convinced that we in fact didn't talk about it. Sure I can remeber the conversation happening, but it doesn't feel like that was me talking, because I don't see it as my own memory. When confronted with something I did I would often deny ever doing it, I would resort into claiming that I was forced to do it against my will or I would share the other person's anger about how could I have possibly ever done that. It's like displaying amnesia symptoms without having amnesia.
I am truly interested if anybody can relate to my experience or at least knows how to name it or what could it be a symptom of. I'm sure I can't be the only one suffering from it. I tried searching for it on the internet, but got nothing. Everybody with similiar experiences seems to actually forget their memories which I can't relate to.
It's obviously ruining my life and it is severly disabling, I find it fascinating how could I have been unaware of it for so long.
I would like to clarify couple of things just to be sure. It definetely started before the age of 11, because by then I can already remember behaviors that match it. It's not in any way related to any psychiatric medication or drugs, because it was happening before I ever took anything. I'm sure I don't have any brain damage from illness nor injury and I don't have a brain tumor. The only thing I've ever been through is the severe abuse by my deranged, narcissistic mother.
Thank you for reading and I would appreciate any kind of feedback, suggestion, advice or question etc.
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2025.01.23 16:58 Pale_deadflower A few weeks ago I spilled 6oz of milk…
And after some hard couple weeks, I have 6 2.5-3 oz bottles ready in my fridge and thinking of starting to freeze some. My daughter is thriving on my milk and I’m really proud I didn’t give up through spilled milk or my clogged duct. Seeing those bottles in my fridge brings me a joy I’ve never known.
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2025.01.23 16:58 cum_on_blanket He is truly asking the most important question
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2025.01.23 16:58 Resistors69 I think, a certain act of mine unfolded a side of my partner, which was better off closed.
So me and my long distance boyfriend, were in a relationship for a long time, and decided to take a break. As the distance was getting suffocating and as I have mentioned earlier, due to our relationship started since school days, we haven’t experienced a lot of things in life.
So we mutually decided to take a break from our relationship, and sail our separate boats, and if needed, and if it is meant to be, we will be back together eventually.
During this phase it was literally very hard for me and even him, to get out of our mushy zone, however he went for a party and did the deed. Which made me furious a bit, cause of the fact that, like literally we were so close and lovey dovey and then randomly he made out and slept with someone. Ik my anger was not justified, as we were on a break, but it did hurt me a bit. And I did not make any move in between.
However, after 3-4 months, I went to a bar (pub) called “Therapy” for real. And I randomly met a guy, I was third wheeling my friend and her boyfriend and got bored so started hanging out with them, random conversation started.
(Now in this period my boyfriend who I was in break, realised he doesn’t want this break and wants to get back, and I said I am not ready yet)
And eventually, after random chit chats, I ended up sleeping with this guy, I randomly met at the pub and meanwhile shared all the incident point to point to my bf, he was mad, ki da heartbroken.
But later he confessed, he found the whole incident hot. And now I guess he has some extend of cuckold feelings. And I am not okay with that. And I genuinely feel, sharing all those details were really not required, and I feel I triggered those thoughts inside her.
Point to be noted : We are back together.
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2025.01.23 16:58 South_Side_9943 Successfully Completed Tirupati trip for the 5th/6th time in last few years AMA
Chala posts chusa asking info regarding tirupati darshan info many times, recent years lo oka 5-6 times vellam, tirupati to tirumala by road vellam, by Alipiri steps vellam and also by Sri Vari padhalu.
Also been to many temples near of tirupati like Arunachalam, Kanipakam, sri Kalahasti, Golden temple, Kanchipuram, Tiruttani etc..,
Konda payina places like Sri Vari padhalu, Papavinasam, Akasha ganga etc..,
Any info or doubts ask me bondhas, my dms will be open even in future if any body have any queries
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2025.01.23 16:58 Yurii_S_Kh The Church of the Nativity of the Mother of God—an Orthodox Parish in Western Austria
 | Sergei Mudrov Church of the Nativity of the Most Holy Theotokos Feldkirch is the westernmost town in Austria near the border with Liechtenstein and Switzerland. Small, with a population of 40,000, neat and well-kept like all Austrian cities, it often serves as a transit point for travelers going to Switzerland. Prices here are not yet Swiss, and transport links to cities and towns beyond the western border are well-established—convenient buses and trains run regularly. Like the whole of Austria, Feldkirch is a predominantly Catholic town, although the number of Catholics has dropped in recent years. Many Austrians are abandoning their religious identity, both Catholic and Protestant. The number of Orthodox Christians in Austria is growing, but let’s be objective: this growth is not so much because Austrians have begun to attend the Orthodox Church (there are not so many such conversions), but mainly thanks to the influx of migrants from traditionally Orthodox countries. Today Orthodox prayer blesses many cities and towns of the picturesque Austrian land, including Feldkirch. The Orthodox Church of the Nativity of the Most Holy Theotokos (Frauenkirche) of the Serbian Orthodox Church is situated at Churer Tor, just a fifteen-minute walk from the railway station. However, it is not architecturally designated in any way, because it is a Catholic church building (according to some sources, built in the fifteenth century), now leased to the town’s Orthodox community. The church, as is customary in this area, is open all day; anyone can enter, light a candle, and pray. We were able to talk with Priest Nikola Balovic, the rector of the parish, in the evening. during the day batiushka is busy with secular work—he teaches the Basics of Orthodoxy in local schools. “The parish in Feldkirch is almost fifty years old, it was founded in 1976,” Fr. Nikola related. “Although, even before that Orthodox priests would sometimes come here and celebrate services. In 1990, we were given a church at Churer Tor where we currently hold services.” Priest Nikola Balovic According to the rector, their rent is small, even symbolic. The parishioners are of various ethnic groups: Serbs, Russians, Ukrainians, and Greeks. So their liturgical languages vary: in addition to Church Slavonic and Serbian, Fr. Nikola serves in Greek and German. And German is not in this list accidentally: among the others, people whose native language is the official language in Austria, also attend the services. —For example, on Pascha last year we received a German into Orthodoxy (he moved from Germany to Austria). He phoned me himself and said that he would like to get acquainted with the Orthodox faith, as he did not find peace of mind and fullness in Catholicism. This German started coming to our services, and a few months later we baptized him. —Had he been baptized before? —Yes, but in Catholicism. I do not receive into Orthodoxy through Chrismation [as is done by most Local Churches.—Trans.], but through Baptism. In late November, we received into the Orthodox Church in the same way a Catholic Slovenian and his girlfriend from Colombia. —What attracted them to the Orthodox community? —Our openness and our unity. We are truly open to anyone who seeks the truth. And we try to help each other and keep in touch. We have a special meeting hall where we meet after the Liturgy and where our parishioners have a meal and communicate. We acquired this hall about forty years ago from a Serb from Konstanz (Germany), who bequeathed his apartment and money to the parish. Interior of the Church of the Nativity of the Most Holy Theotokos —You’re talking about unity. But in the light of the many sad events of recent years, how do you manage to preserve it? —I understand the essence of your question and I will not hide that there were some Ukrainians in the community who argued that they did not want to pray with Russians, and there were some Russians who did not want to pray with Ukrainians. But I immediately stressed that we serve God here and there is no place for demagoguery and politicking in the parish. We are Orthodox Christians, Slavs, brothers and sisters. We must pray for the cessation of the war, and we have no right to move this war from the frontline in Ukraine to an Orthodox parish in western Austria. But in Feldkirch, as it has turned out, there are echoes from another “front”: of enemies of Orthodoxy, be they overt or secret. Last year they carried out their “sortie” to the Church of the Nativity of the Most Holy Theotokos, desecrating and vandalizing the sanctuary and setting the altar table on fire. The culprits were teenagers, aged thirteen and fourteen. It’s hard to say what or even who drove them to do this, but I believe that spiritually broken people are more capable of such acts. Due to the “fascination” with mysticism and occult practices, including fortune-telling, “predictions” and horoscopes, spiritual diseases affect not only adults, but sometimes also teenagers, even children. Traces of arson on the altar table After this sad incident I had to put the reliquary with the relics of saints and the cross into the safe,” Fr. Nikola says. “Now we are looking for funds to restore the badly damaged sanctuary. Insurance companies are unwilling to make full payments because the church is not guarded and is usually open during the day. As the rector explained, the parish is not in the category of those “recognized” by the State, therefore it cannot count on support from federal funds. It is extremely difficult to obtain official recognition (it is not equivalent to registration) in Austria. Of the twenty-five Serbian parishes only the parish of St. Savva in Vienna has this status. Recognition, among other things, opens opportunities to receive State subsidies and remuneration for priests. The parish of the Church of the Nativity of the Most Holy Theotokos. Photo: Azbyka.ru Towards the end of our talk with Fr. Nikola I touched upon the issues of raising the younger generation, because it is important for any believing father or mother that their children grow up to be worthy Christians. Perhaps there is no universal recipe for “How not to alienate children and teenagers from the Church”, but it is from the diversity of opinions that we learn something of what is valuable. Austria is a secular country, and, according to Fr. Nikola, in order for a child to become a true believer the appropriate atmosphere should reign in his family. Although the basics of religion, including Orthodoxy, are taught in Austrian schools, it is unlikely that these classes can seriously influence the worldview of students. “In Austria, the basics of Orthodoxy can be taught provided that there are at least three Orthodox students in a school,” Fr. Nikola explains. “The State pays these teachers. The choice of teachers is largely the prerogative of Metropolitan Arsenios of Austria (the Patriarchate of Constantinople), since, by virtue of established practice, it is he who represents the interests of all Orthodox Christians before the Austrian State. The curricula are also prepared by the Greek Metropolis, although they also involve Serbs in their work.” According to the rector, despite the fact that Orthodox teenagers sometimes experience a crisis of faith and stop attending church services, they usually do not fall away from the Church altogether and do not go to the heterodox. Afterwards, years later, they may return to the Church. This process is complex and often unpredictable. But religious crises among teenagers are not a problem of Austria alone; people in traditionally Orthodox countries cannot avoid such crises either. And if a rebellious teenager who “overthrows authority” remembers at least sometimes with fondness the church services (which he attended) and prayer at home (in which he participated), he will definitely return to the Church, even if his path is winding and very thorny. Sergei Mudrov Translation by Dmitry Lapa Pravoslavie.ru submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments] |
2025.01.23 16:58 admoritas1 Deoxys on me - 2 local - 821108288770
821108288770
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2025.01.23 16:58 Humble_Panda_4156 Mirror fix
Hi guys, I’m just back up my car and make my mirror broke. I wonder how much I need spend for fix it. My car is Honda Crv 2023
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2025.01.23 16:58 Areebob Best cloning software
Samsung's Magician software has a built-in "data migration" software that puts Acronis to absolute shame. Literally works from within windows, works EVERY TIME, and doesn't spend 2-3 hours wasting your time before actually starting the clone (again, see Acronis). But, of course, it only works with Samsung drives.
Anyone know of a cloning software that can match Magician's ease of use and reliability, but doesn't require a specific brand of drive to run?
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2025.01.23 16:58 Prestigious-Dot6299 Security Bank Cashback Lounge Access NAIA
Hello, I just wanted to ask. Does the Security Bank Cashback Platinum card have PAGSS lounge access at NAIA? We tried to use it before, but they said our card, despite being Platinum, was not valid. However, when I checked the website, it says it is. So I’m confused. 😵💫
We ended up not availing of the lounge access because they asked us to pay. Although one person was offered a discount (I think it was 20% yata), we still had to pay.
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2025.01.23 16:58 KadriShazan Searchinga partner! No selling anything! Tech Co- founder here can build platform
I am Kadri Shazan, 28, platform maker, I have build two products elpage.live and redditsurfer.live all by myself completed this two products from frontend to fully functional web app. It was hard to get it profitable as marketing is missing and required money. I am looking for someone who I can build web apps or platforms for them to grow it and invest and make it full scale platform. Let's connect
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2025.01.23 16:58 Entire-Cost5412 Need Your Help– Just 30 More to Go!
Hi everyone,
I’m working on a my thesis study. It’s about Personality and mobile screen time. Right now, I’m so close to the finish line—just 30 more responses to go!
https://screentime-personality.jimdosite.com/
Thank you for taking the time! ❤️
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2025.01.23 16:58 Odd_Opposite_1495 ChartUp - Best Solana Volume Bot - Solana Volume Booster Product Is Live - Utility SOL Token Upcoming - 2023 x potential
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2025.01.23 16:58 NotoriousBilla Standing tickets for Coldplay 26th Jan
Need standing tickets for Coldplay 26th jan at mrp
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2025.01.23 16:58 Gloomy-Selection-330 🥴
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2025.01.23 16:58 bythirsti Jersey peeling fixes?
 | Threw this in the dryer by accident and wondering if people on here could share their fixes for peeling decals? Thanks in advance submitted by bythirsti to SoccerJerseys [link] [comments] |
2025.01.23 16:58 Shockz187 How did your debut race time compare to your predicted race time?
I'm curious to what athlete's first race time was. How did this time compare to what you predicted you would finish at? Particularly advanced/elite athletes who are seasoned in races.
Obviously, you can get an idea of how you'll perform based on your training, but with variables in the event that you may not account for. I believe the "Roxzone" seems to be a big varaible that many don't account for, so I'm just assuming Roxzone will consists of ~5 mins, and I have an idea where I stand with the run & stations.
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2025.01.23 16:58 TearyAmoeba Beneath Bronze Skies
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2025.01.23 16:58 MysteriousSorbet2190 Umm...
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2025.01.23 16:58 wiuman83 Anyone else holding out hope for an 11th hour save?
Anyone..?
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2025.01.23 16:58 RevBradshaw Pat Robertson (1930–2023)
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2025.01.23 16:58 Green_Ad7575 The Ultimate Cable!
Hey Everybody!
I know it's been asked before... but it's been awhile.
tl:dr Is there a single cable I can toss in my bag that will do everything?
Goal I'm looking for a single cable, USB-C physical connectors on both ends, that can carry 100W of power for PD, and as many protocols and formats as possible. Display, Data, Power Delivery, Everything.
A physical connection adapter for a peripheral end is acceptable.
1 Cable to do Everything, 2 of the same cables if I need power and peripheral connected simultaneously.
Current Situation I currently have a ThunderBolt 4 cable with USB-C connectors on both ends. Swapped to the AMD mainboard, so technically I have USB-4 instead of Thunderbolt.
I do connect to a TV as an external monitor. USB-4 to HDMI port... I think DisplayPort might intrude in there somewhere because of USB4.... but I'm not sure.
Does that matter in any real world way?
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2025.01.23 16:58 ArtGroundbreaking575 I enjoy the win streak battles and yall are completely taking the fun out of it by joining just to concede
It's a CHALLANGE! It's supposted to be hard! You're supposed to fail and try again and again till based on luck and skill you finally get the euphoria of beating the challenge.
You don't NEED the ribbon. It gives you no perks. And it's only 5 consecutive wins.
Complaining that a challange is hard to beat is like complaining water is wet.
Dont even give the "uh uh but the metas uh" because I don't use a meta deck and managed to beat the challange just fine. It comes down to how well you can play your hand and the luck of the draw. Even when I'd fail and restart I would still be having fun because beileve it or not some of us actually enjoy playing the game and losing is part of that game.
If you don't enjoy the challanges then you shouldnt be playing them in the first place. They are OPTIONAL. Don't ruin it for the people who actually enjoy playing the game as intended because someone who rages when they lose wants to win a partcipation trophy.
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2025.01.23 16:58 FanDeLosAbdomenes Alguno que se haga pasar por la chica que quiera al dm?
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2025.01.23 16:58 HighPhan Apple Winter Event - Macbook Air M4
Apple is expected to release info on the next phone and MacBook (Macbook Air M4 Chip)
Question: with another model coming soon- when would the current Macbook Air M3 go on sale at warehouses. July?
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